Hati ini bukan milik ku lagi.

I just want to say,
I love you.

baby born

born this way.

i am glad i am born this way.

reason being,

i am pretty happy with the way i am.

my life.

put aside my hatred for my body.

i go through life that is pretty easy.

pretty simple.

pretty manageable.

i mean,

i see some people,

they have so much problem and trouble in their life.

like i dono..

i have a friend who pretty much growing up with people hating him.

ever since secondary school,

people dont really like him.

its not hate, hate.

but there is always a point where they would hate him.

and same thing in poly.

eventually we got into the same school.

so i somehow managed to see him around.

pretty much the same thing happen.

another friend of mine.

always hearing stories meeting weird people.

almost anywhere she go,

she will meet weird people.

like talk to her randomly.

do weird stuff and other..

too many to say here.

another friend of mine.

always get into trouble.

in camp.

whenever there is some kind or what so ever,

among us,

and always,

out of many of us.

its always him getting spotted with the problem or trouble.

some other

forever attached.

and

forever breaking up.

forever sad.

some other face many problem like any where they go.

school

work

ns

i dono.

like anywhere they go,

i always hear problem

like the boss very bad.

argument with colleague.

given too much work.

then i reflect back.

how come i dont face all these things?

why is it pretty much the same people facing the same problem.

i can safely say i an on good terms with everyone.

i dont meet weird people.

if i go work, my bosses are all good.

in ns, i got like one of the "lepak" coy and my unit is pretty much manageable.

i dont always get into trouble.

so yah..

just a reflection.

when people talk about their problem

or i look at their problem,

i always wonder why didnt it happen to me

and thank you god.

you blessed me with this life.

thank you very much god.

well,

i kinda have one problem.

actually more than than. 

some are inside my "treasure box".

highly very very very confidential!

secret!

only few knows.

haha

but one problem that i can say out is...

LOVE.

yes.

*roll eyes*

maybe i am just jealous looking at couple.

my friends pretty much attached and pretty happy.

but i tell myself

ah! f it!

u see their photos online and stuff

looks like they are happy,

are they really happy???

have i seen their tough times???

NO!

so what makes u think they are very very 'secured'.

and also

since im single,

i got the freedom

go fly!

fly like a bird in the sky.

dont think about on love and stuff.

no point dwelling on stuff that may not happen

or probably out of my reach.

like a zillion time ive said.

let fate bring to THE place.

as much as i say these things,

deep inside me i do think about it.

especially at night.

on bed.

and especially when listening to Class 95 Love Song.

ahh...

that programme never fail to melt my heart.

always listen to it when doing duty.

when i do duty after 10,

Class 95 will always be on when doing sentry.

if not, its either 987fm or Gold90!

another heart melting channel.

hahah

so yup.

just a little reflection.

and and and

meet my new baby!

she is my SEX!

she is android.

she is qwerty keypad.

she is touchscreen.

she is what ive been looking for.

just that she is not side kick.

but found her sister.

but not in singapore..

Samsung Galazy S Pro

 

my ultimate phone.

if she comes to singapore,

im gona marry her!!

talking about baby.

i got my baby.

Afi Skyler.

Not really my baby.

myy nepherw.

he is the baby in the house.

literally.

hahha

he is just adorable.

damn 'talkative'!!

very noise.

a lot of baby talk!

*

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Prince Syafiq J

my dearest, how have you been?

in relation to you.

its such a coincident that this song came when i came.

and when we left,

this song showed its true colour.

 

 

the only question is

my dearest, how have you been?

 

 

...

 

 im pretty glad that i went through you.

without you,

i wouldnt have any idea how does it feel to 

be a broken hearted.

how it feels to go through the healing process.

and to see how much stronger ive become.

 

though it was just a moment.

thank you for coming.

thank you for leaving.

 

*

*

*

 

Princesyafiqj

 

 

 

here i go again

I may not happen.

But for some reason i still believe in us.

I dont know why.

possibly the reason why we reconcile.

i still see hope in us.

frankly speaking.

you are no where near my' ideal partner'.

pretty much nothing to what i want.

i dont see what i want in you.

but for some reason why,

i still believe in us.

i just cant explain it.

i just cant describe it.

i just cant tell what is it.

because i seriously dont know what it is.

i questioned myself,

what is it that you have that make me want you so much?

i cant answer that question.

but i know there is something.

there is a ray of light.

 which i adore to it for no reason.

i dont know if its possible for us to happen.

now we are just 'nothing'

i dont know if i should try to start the ball rolling.

or just leave it as it is.

we were so happy when we were together.

but when we were apart.

it seems like the world turn around 180 degree.

like we are enemies.

nothing between us were like butterflies and rainbows and everything nice.

its more like world war two.

so i see possibility in us

but its like i have to dig them out.

we have to dig them out.

we have to go through rough times

go through various obstacle

go through the thunderstorm

go through the stormy seas

go through ...

i have a strong feeling that it is not possible for us to happen.

but we never know if we never try.

now i am just going to leave us as it is.

you.

and

me.

we shall go our separate ways again.

just like history.

and see what the future have for us.

 

.

i shall take this time to explore.

my life.

the world.

my world.

see what i can do for my future.

see what i can do for the future.

i have dreams.

i use to have dreams.

 

but my dreams are just mere shadows.

let me find the light.

i may not shine the light 

i may not be able to shine the light

but at least i know ive got something to make my dreams come true.

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commitment

talk about love.

i love dancing.

seriously!

ii have no problem committing myself to dance.

but i dont know if i can commit myself to 

love.

seriously!

*

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princesyafiqJ

My love

Dance

Fashion

Shoe

Perfume

*

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Princsyafiqj

Ciara- Promise

Come enjoy the life
Baby take a ride
I just wanna vibe with you, you
Baby you and I can have a good time
Tell me what you like
  

 Now listen
I've been single for a while now
And I've been kind of lonely
But I'm looking for somebody to talk to,
Love me, someone who can hold me,
Is that you?

I'm looking for somebody I can call boo
Looking for the only one that I can give my all to
Tell me if it's you, you, you
What you wanna do, do, do
Make your move
You can be my teacher
I'll do homework
You can give me extra credit, baby
I'll do more work
What you wanna do, do, do
Now it's me and you, you, you
Make a move

This mood is so right
It feels so right
You can be my prince
My knight
You can be my superman
Save me here I am

'Cause baby
There's nothing I won't do
To spend my life with you
I'll give my all to you
I promise that I will never lie to you boy
There's nothing I won't do
To spend my life with you
I'll give my all to you
I promise that I will never lie to you boy

You and me together
Picture perfect
I'll spend all my money all my time
Because you're worth it
It's just me and you, you, you
What you wanna do, do, do
Make a move
Call me mama, spoil you like a baby
Thinking about you, dreaming about you
Got me going crazy
What you wanna do, do, do
Now it's me and you, you, you
Make a move

This mood is so right
It feels so right
You can be my prince
My knight
You can be my superman
Save me here I am

Baby
There's nothing I won't do
To spend my life with you
I'll give my all to you
I promise that I will never lie to you boy
There's nothing I won't do
To spend my life with you
I'll give my all to you
I promise that I will never lie to you boy

I mean everything that I say
From the bottom of my heart
I will never, never ever hurt you
I open my heart

Open my heart
Give it to you
Tell the whole world that I'm in love with you
Whatever you want
Baby I'll do
I know I don't want nobody else but you

There's nothing I won't do
To spend my life with you
I'll give my all to you
I promise that I will never lie to you boy
There's nothing I won't do
To spend my life with you
I'll give my all to you
I promise that I will never lie to you boy 

This song is seriously in tune with me now.

Aside the 'shitty' things ive went through.

I am pretty much looking for some i can my heart to.

Like seriously.

I may not be so ready but i will never be ready.

Can somebody claim this prize here?

*i know, i sound pretty desperate here.

nonetheless, how about 'friends for benefit'?

not sex benefit but emotional benefit*

 

 *

*

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Princesyafiqj

should i give up or should i just keep chasing pavements...

once again.
i am lost.

what would you do?

You look for that special someone.
You have what you have in mind.
You want them to be what you want them to be.
You got your criteria.

But what happen if you dont get them?
What happen if you cant find that special someone?

In the midst of looking for that special someone,
you have some kind of connection with another person.
and that person is an alternative who is waiting for you in line.

The person is not 100% what you are looking for.
But the person is there.

A question of if you should look for that special someone
or
go for the 'alternative'.


*
*
*

Prince Syafiq J

There is enough for everyone. But why am I still waiting in line...

.



.

Incompatible, it don't matter though
'cos someone's bound to hear my cry
Speak out if you do
You're not easy to find

Is it possible Mr. Loveable Is already in my life?
Right in front of me
Or maybe you're in disguise

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own If there's a soulmate for everyone

Here we are again, circles never end
How do I find the perfect fit
There's enough for everyone But I'm still waiting in line

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone

If there's a soulmate for everyone

Most relationships seem so transitory
They're all good but not the permanent one

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone
If there's a soulmate for everyone

*
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Princesyafiqj

fear of love

Dear Love,

I am so afraid of you.
I am so scared of you.
I am so scared of what you can do to me.


I know I have been talking about this love thing a lot.
I just cant help it.
I always keep on thinking about it.

Everywhere I go, there will always be love song playing in some store.


Like what I have always said,
I want to love and be loved.

But one day,
I was just so scared of it.

I dont think I am trying to be optimistic here.
But I was suddenly scared of love.
I am scared of it hurting me.

I see other people fall out of love.
They were hurt.

I see them going through rough times in their relationship.
They were hurt.

That is what I am afraid about.

Lets say if
I were in a relationship.
And we love each other so much.
And for some reason,
we break up.

I think that is the last thing every person wants to happen.


Yah yah yah.
I know that I have not been a relationship
and already thinking about all these stuff.
But what if it really happen?

I seriously have never been in true blue relationship.
I am just afraid of all the things that every couple goes through.
All those disagreement, arguments, fights and etc...

If it happens,
I dont know if I have the power to go through all those.
I dont even know if I have the determination to keep relationship alive.
All I see now is that it is some kind of burden to be in a relationship.


It is like a kerosene lamp.
I will always have to pour in the kerosene to keep the fire alive.



Isn't that a hassle?

Why cant it be like an eagle soaring in the sky
Nicely following the current of the wind.



I am the kind of person who can be very ignorant.

If you ask my friends,
If I were in some kind of argument and dont want to pursue it further,
I can just keep quiet and pretend nothing happen.

I can give you the silent treatment for as long as I can.
I have done it to my sister for over half a decade,
why cant I do it to someone who I just got to know?


I guess my partner have to have a strong determination.
Because of me being ignorant,
the relationship will be a one sided relationship.
I know if that happen,
it is not worth keeping the relationship.

Okay...
I dont know what I am talking about now.
Kinda lost track of my intention.



Whatever is it,
I am just so afraid of love.



*
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PrincesyafiqJ

Dangerously In Love

I love you

Baby I love you
You are my life
My happiest moments weren't complete
If you weren't by my side
You're my relation
In connection to the sun
With you next to me
There's no darkness I can't overcome
You are my raindrop
I am the sea
With you and God, who's my sunlight
I bloom and grow so beautifully
Baby, I'm so proud
So proud to be your girl
You make the confusion
Go all away
From this cold and messed up world

I am in love with you
You set me free
I can't do this thing
Called life without you here with me
Cause I'm Dangerously In Love with you
I'll never leave
Just keep lovin' me
The way I love you loving me

And I know you love me
Love me for who I am
Cause years before I became who I am
Baby you were my man
I know it ain't easy
Easy loving me
I appreciate the love and dedication
From you to me
Later on in my destiny
I see myself having your child
I see myself being your wife
And I see my whole future in your eyes
Thought of all my love for you
sometimes make me wanna cry
Realize all my blessings
I'm grateful
To have you by my side

Every time I see your face
My heart smiles
Every time it feels so good
It hurts sometimes
Created in this world
To love and to hold
To feel
To breathe
To love you

Dangerously in love
Can't do this thing
I love you , I love you, I love you
I'll never leave
Just keep on loving me
I'm in love with you
I can not do
I cannot do anything without you in my life
Holding me, kissing me, loving me
Dangerously
I love you
Dangerously in love

.

.

Is there anyway that it could happen?

those moment where

Every time I see your face
My heart smiles
Every time it feels so good
It hurts sometimes
Created in this world
To love and to hold
To feel
To breathe
To love you

*
*
*

Prince Syafiq J

This is how I want it to be

Here I am.
Some where foreign.
Not my house.
Not my place.
Not my country.

Here I am in a house.
Not mine.
Rented probably.

Here I am.
Here is my life.

Student in some university abroad.
Staying in someone else house.
House that have other student also.

I came back feeling all tired.
Shagged.
Lethargic.
Sick.

Yes thats it.

Sick.

I want to be sick.
Actually no I dont.
Coz I am on my own and being sick is the last thing on my mind.
Well, there is a reason why I want to be sick.
Maybe not a want, but more of wanting to see what happens next.

So,
I throw my bag on the living room floor and sit on the sofa.
Hands on my head.
*you know that headache action*
Resting.

Here is the best part.
YOU.
Yes you.

You came in and saw me.
You got worried.
You came to me and asked me if im okay.

I look at you.
Squint my eyes trying to see who you are.
My vision wasn't that clear.
I gave you that I-am-not-feeling-well-look.

You touched my head.
Touch my throat.
You claim that I am not feeling well.
You claim that I look pale.
You concluded that I got fever.

Yes.
Fever.

Thanks to this cold cold weather this country own.
And my 2nd hand Salvation Army $10 trench coat is so not helping me keep my body warm.
Nope.
It is not.

You went to the kitchen.
You took out a pill or aspirin.
You pour warm water into a clear glass.
You came to me and instructed me to take them and rest.

I pop those pills in.

You pull me up and escorted me to my room.
You lay me down on my bed.
You pull the blanket over me.
You said that I should rest.
You left the room.

I went to sleep.

I sleep.
I sleep.
I sleep.

I woke up.
I was hungry.
I went to the kitchen to get my empty tummy filled up.
I was still sick.
I had to walk with my hand on the wall for support.
I think the medicine was still active.
I can see stars.
I saw you in the kitchen.

You shouted my name.

I blanked out.
I cant remember what happen.

I woke up.

You.
You were sitting beside me.
You were by my bed.
You were looking at me.

I looked at you.

You smiled.

I try to get myself up.
I couldnt.

You helped me up.

I am resting on the bed head board.

You knew I was hungry.
You brought up a bowl of porridge.
A bowl of hot porridge that you just cooked.

I wanted to take the bowl away from you.
But you insisted that I should rest.

You wanted to feed me.

I couldnt help it.

You scoop some of the hot porridge with the soup spoon.
You blew it cold.
You blew it again.
You brought the spoon close to my mouth.

I blew it again.

You feed me.
You feed me till the last drop of liquid in the bowl.

I thanked you.

You put me back to bed.
You asked me to rest.
You left the room.

I went back to sleep.

The next morning.

I woke up.

Before I can get myself up,
you came into my room.

You came in with a tray.

I can see a bowl and a glass of water.

You put the tray by my side table.

My head was still spinning.
I tried to get myself up.

I still couldn't.

You help me up again.

You made porridge again.
You feed me again.
After feeding me,
you gave me a pill to eat.
You bought me medicine.

I thanked you again.

You left the room.

I went back to sleep.

This happen over 2 days.

One time,
while you were feeding me,
I stared at you.

I watch you blowing that hot porridge for me.
I watched you.
I watched you every movement.

Because there wasnt anything interesting to watch.
There was only you.

Yes you.

I spilled out some of the porridge of my mouth.

You took the tissue and wipe my mouth.
I look at you.
I stared at you.

You saw me checking you out.
You looked at me.

I looked at you deep in the eyes.

You looked at me deep in the eyes.

You looked away.
You said that you got something else to do.
You feed me the pills.
You left the room.

I lay on the bed.
I think.
I think about nothing except you.
Yes you.

























So,
do you know what does this means?











Is this what is means?




*
*
*

Prince Syafiq J

ice cream and love

imagine you are craving for ice cream.
and you bought a tub of your favourite ice cream.
Mine would be mint chocolate chip.

you open the top.
take your spoon
stab it in
pull back with much energy
trying to get as much ice cream as you can
and at the same time
trying to curl the ice cream
attempting to make is as round as possible
just like what you on the cover of the tub.

put it in a small bowl.

off to the living room
on your most seasoned sofa
sitting in your favourite position
and indulge in your favourite ice cream
as you watch you favourite tv show.


yup.
imagine that the ice cream is 'love'.
look back at the words that i have bold.

that action.
I am missing that now.

and also the rest of it...






...


Dear Cupid,
It is ironic that I love, love song so much.
Yet I hate it cause its hurting me.
Every time I listen to it,
I feel like the lyric just turn into sharp knife stabbing my heart.

Do you know how much pain I am going through?
My heart is just a heart
without and kind of armour to protect itself.

Probably a love from _______ could help me ease the pain.

Help me cupid.

Yours sincerely.

*
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Princesyafiq J

That special someone

I am not gona care much about how my blogs looks like now.
But I think I just want to let this out.

I dont know whats getting into me lately.
I suddenly felt 'Lonely'

I feel so alone.
Its not those literally i am lonely kinda feeling.
But more of like,
i am alone because of me being single?


I mean,
I dont know...
I just feel like i want to love somebody.
I,
I just want to be with somebody who i love truly.

I want to fill my empty heart with that someone special.
I want that special someone.

This is just so not me.
I really dont want to me attached.
I am really not prepared.
This thing have been going one some time.

Sometimes I just feel like having that special someone to talk to,
every night before i go to sleep.
I want to say "Good Night Love, I Love You".
And the good night conversation will just go on,
either one of us not wanting to put the phone down cause we just dont want to.
Only until one of us decide to put the phone down unwillingly.
I want to go to sleep smiling about that special someone and
thinking that that special someone will always be in my heart.
I long to see that special someone in my dream.
I want to wake up in the morning thinking about nothing but that special someone.
I want to check my phone and see if that special someone have text me in the morning.
I want to be the one saying "Good Morning Love. I Love You"
I want to walk down the streets holding that special someone's hand.
I want to hug that special someone tight like there is no tomorrow
and say "I Love You" with my tears rolling down my cheeks.
Knowing how much I love that special someone so much.
How much that special someone means to me.
I want to look deep into that special someones eyes
and we both know what we are saying, "I Love You".
I want that special someone to be a secret.
A sacred?
It will just be us.
Only us and nobody.
Dear Cupid,
Dear God,
where is that special someone?



.


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PrinceSyafiqJ